Is this verbal abuse or normal in a relationship? If angry for little things, I get called horrible names?
Saturday, June 13th, 2009
Darkness Soothes Me asked:
People argue, but I never say things as cruel as my boyfreind of 7 years. He will say he no longer loves me and lost that feeling and is just “used” to being with me. Example: yesterday he was angry and irritable, wanted me to swipe a valium for him from an elderly family member, when I could not and did not want to he got ridiculously cruel- said “all you do is sit on your fat ass, not helping me or cleaning or doing laundry, you disgust me!” (I admit I have been very depressed and meds make me tired lately) he then said “You are getting old and wrinkly”, “no longer look as hot”-though I am given compliments by others often. He says he wants to date others, asks to add a new girl to the picture (how rude), says he feels just too guilty to leave cause I am unable to take care of myself. That refers to my being out of work due to medical reasons, sever depression recently. .. he threatens to leave and dump me but wants to remain living here. I think, when he realizes rents are too high and my moms place is a good deal, he changes tunes and acts like nothing ever happened. Wants me to forget it and do him favors. Like tonight for example: After he called me all those cruel and hurtful names and dumped me, called me for a favor- wants me to go pick him up at work tonight at 1am with a borrowed car b/c his ran out of gas, AFTER he said all that mean stuff and ended our relationship just yesterday? he said “well I apologized, then forget it I will walk” and hangs up on me. Would you do it? He gets me because I worry about him and feel guilty. What would you do? Is this normal for couples and I should just let it slide due to his childhood issues and moods or is it an abusive environment contributing to my lowering self-esteem and depression. I feel lost.
I know I seem text book, weird how it happens and the guilt I get, like I am wrong. I guess I let the fact that he had an abusive and sad childhood, keep me from moving on. I excuse it I guess, but now it is ruining my life and feel either I change or I will end up dead or in a nut house.
clarification- not dead from him (he was only physical once) years ago-pushed me, but he was intoxicated and stopped drinking though he pops pills now to put up with me. I am not perfect, but I do not say “I don’t love you” whenever I am mad. I am far less cruel. People say I am allegedly “beautiful”, not that I believe that any more, but my former job was in acting/modeling. Some say he is insecure and does it outta fear, but that does not excuse it does it?
Some ask why I stick around, I guess
1. Guilt, like I must “save” like I am respoonsible- I feel parent-esque, or mom-like sometimes
2. FEAR FEAR FEAER he will harm himslef as he joked he would kill himself or me if I left -main reason
3. Fear I would miss the good parts
Bruce
People argue, but I never say things as cruel as my boyfreind of 7 years. He will say he no longer loves me and lost that feeling and is just “used” to being with me. Example: yesterday he was angry and irritable, wanted me to swipe a valium for him from an elderly family member, when I could not and did not want to he got ridiculously cruel- said “all you do is sit on your fat ass, not helping me or cleaning or doing laundry, you disgust me!” (I admit I have been very depressed and meds make me tired lately) he then said “You are getting old and wrinkly”, “no longer look as hot”-though I am given compliments by others often. He says he wants to date others, asks to add a new girl to the picture (how rude), says he feels just too guilty to leave cause I am unable to take care of myself. That refers to my being out of work due to medical reasons, sever depression recently. .. he threatens to leave and dump me but wants to remain living here. I think, when he realizes rents are too high and my moms place is a good deal, he changes tunes and acts like nothing ever happened. Wants me to forget it and do him favors. Like tonight for example: After he called me all those cruel and hurtful names and dumped me, called me for a favor- wants me to go pick him up at work tonight at 1am with a borrowed car b/c his ran out of gas, AFTER he said all that mean stuff and ended our relationship just yesterday? he said “well I apologized, then forget it I will walk” and hangs up on me. Would you do it? He gets me because I worry about him and feel guilty. What would you do? Is this normal for couples and I should just let it slide due to his childhood issues and moods or is it an abusive environment contributing to my lowering self-esteem and depression. I feel lost.
I know I seem text book, weird how it happens and the guilt I get, like I am wrong. I guess I let the fact that he had an abusive and sad childhood, keep me from moving on. I excuse it I guess, but now it is ruining my life and feel either I change or I will end up dead or in a nut house.
clarification- not dead from him (he was only physical once) years ago-pushed me, but he was intoxicated and stopped drinking though he pops pills now to put up with me. I am not perfect, but I do not say “I don’t love you” whenever I am mad. I am far less cruel. People say I am allegedly “beautiful”, not that I believe that any more, but my former job was in acting/modeling. Some say he is insecure and does it outta fear, but that does not excuse it does it?
Some ask why I stick around, I guess
1. Guilt, like I must “save” like I am respoonsible- I feel parent-esque, or mom-like sometimes
2. FEAR FEAR FEAER he will harm himslef as he joked he would kill himself or me if I left -main reason
3. Fear I would miss the good parts
Bruce